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A.Sardar Jokes:
Joke1: Punjab University
Exam
Punjab Engineering & Medical
Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil
Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture,
literature, law and
social conditions -OR- give the
first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare
to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet
is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big
hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses
given? (approximately) 8.
What are people in India's far north
called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been
called Akbar , the last one
being
Akbar the Sixth. Name the
previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory
of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the
National Anthem for what
country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle
of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three
story building located?
17. Which part of India produces
the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three
apples how many apples do
you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio)
stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh
tradition for efficiency began
when
(approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D.
(c) still waiting
*You must answer at least three
questions correctly to qualify
Joke2:Sardar's Answering
Machine
A Sardar
took an answering machine home and fixed it
home somewhere in Rajasthan,but
two days later disconnected it
because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke
bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" (Idiot!
He's taking the phone and
saying he's not there.)
Joke3: Sardar University
Exam
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is
appearing for his University
final examination. He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and
then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes
off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes
his
turban and throws it away as well. His shirt,
pant, socks and
watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and
asks what
is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions
- 'Answer in brief'.
Joke4: Sardar's Maths
There is this group of 7 Sardars who plan
to go to Delhi to thank the
President Dr. Zail Singh for his revolutionary
policies, from which
they have greatly benefited. Moreover,
they are his old friends, and
are longing to dine with the president.
They agree that it would be
appropriate to use a taxi. So they go
to a taxi driver and ask him how
much a ride would cost.
The driver frets a little and tells them,
"Sahab! If only four of you
were to be there I would charge you just
the meter rate, but then
since seven of you would be there, you
have to give me Rs. 10/-
more."
The Sardars agree and decide to take the
taxi. The taxi driver takes
them to Rashtrapati Bhavan. The meter
shows Rs. 18/-, so the taxi
driver says, "You have to pay me Rs. 28/-."
Now, the Sardars have to share the
cost among themselves and so they
decide to divide the total (Rs.
28/-) by the number of people, i.e. 7.
This is how they do the calculation
to arrive at the answer:
____
7 | 28 = 13
( 7 x 1 = 7, 7 x 3 = 21 ).
7
--
21
21
--
0
--
The driver (naturally) is exceedingly
happy upon receiving Rs. 13/-
from each of the Sardars. He thanks them
profusely and the feeling of
exultant happiness is writtern on his
face as he leaves them and
proceeds his way.
Seeing this, the Sardars feel that
they may have made a mistake. They
decide to ask Zail Singh about it.
After all, the fellow was the
President of the nation! After all the
initial formalities are
completed, they ask Zail Singh to check
their calculation of the
taxi fare. Zail Singh ponders over
the calculations and finally says,
"See, I am not good at division. The process
just boggles me but
addition is something I am an expert at.
Let us add all the amounts
you guys gave to the taxi driver
and check the result. This is how I
do for those tax forms I get very
often.
The process is slow but is sure."
The other sardars nod their heads
(?) in appreciation.
The President writes as shown below
and also explains as he writes
on:
13
13
13
13
13
13
13
--
28
--
i.e. 3+3+3+3+3+3+3= 21 and 21+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=28
so this
checks out. He then says, "Yes, it's
correct. But I can also
call my close friend and Finance man Manmohan
Singh.
It is always better that he rechecks it.
After all, he is a Finance man,
you know!" Manmohan Singh arrives,
and when told of the problem,
he replies that he doesn't think it is
a bad deal but says, "No problem!
I will verify it via mathematical computation.
I'll verify it with
multiplication. That is the best
technique for this, you see!"
While others watch in admiration, Manmohan
Singh goes on to write as
shown:
13
x7
---
21
7
--
28 This checks out as well.
--
Then he says, "This is really fine.
There should be no problem,
President Sahab. After
all, it is correct in all the methods."
Peace reigns at the President's
residence as the inhabitants and
guests remain in quite contentedness while
they reminisce about their
astute abilities on solving a problem
in a successful fashion.
Joke5: Sardar Commits
suicide
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide
on the railway tracks
and he takes along some wine and
chicken with him. Somebody stops
him and asks "kyon bhai,
ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why
do you take these things with you?).
Sardarji replies "Saali train late
aati hai kahin bhook se na
marjaun" (If the stupid train comes
late, I will die of hunger!)
Joke6: Sardar fills
forms
One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon
tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital
(Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form.
So the
couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?"
Sardarji replied that I
had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate
form.
The couple as per
schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for
their next
destination. On the next day, they find the same
Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling
the
same form.
So once again young couple
curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?"
Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and
I
am filling the birth certificate form.
The couple said but
sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling
the same
form, how come you're in Delhi?
Sardarji cooly replied
It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"
Joke7: Sardar takes
xerox
Do u know what surdarji will
do if he wants a white paper
? (he
already has one and he wants one
more..) He takes a Xerox of
the white paper !!!
Joke8: Sardar and
the barber
Once a Sardarji was travelling on
a train. He felt sleepy
so he gave the guy sitting opposite
him on the train 20 rupees
to wake him up when the station
arrived.
This guy was a barber, and he felt
that for 20 rupees ,
the sardarji deserved more service.
So, when the Sardarji fell
asleep, the barber quietly shaved
off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji
was woken up, and he
went home. Reaching home, he went
to wash his face, and
suddenly screamed when he saw the
mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train
has taken my 20 rupees and
woken up someone else"
Joke9: Sardar and
the lie detector
An Englishman, an American and a
Sardarji are called upon
to test
a lie detector. The Englishman says:
"I think I can empty 20
bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can
eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ,
goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent
Joke10: Exam
Get Sponsored
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is
appearing for his University final
examination which consists of Y/N
type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then
in a fit of inspiration takes his
wallet out, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour he is
all done whereas the rest of the class
is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately
throwing the coin,
swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and
asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour".
"But yaar", he says,
"I am rechecking my answers and am not able to
tally them with what I
wrote."
Joke11: Sardar Gambles
Surjit Singh saw that his friend
Baljit Singh was very
depressed.
"What happened ?" asked
Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday
. " "How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match
between India and England
was being shown live on TV.I bet
Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where
did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I
bet on the highlights too "
Joke12: Sardar
and lottery
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His
business has gone
bust and he's in serious financial
trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for
help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh
Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my
business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my
house as well, please let me win the
lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple.....................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost
my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business,
my house, my car and my wife
and children are starving.. I don't often ask you for help and
I have always been a good servant to
you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I
can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts
open and the Sardarji is confronted by the
voice of Lord :
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
Joke13: Sardarji
and theirParents
Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting
of their
parents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez
Canal?'
Banta singh : 'Yes, I have'
Santa singh : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta singh : 'That's nothing, have you ever
heard of Dead
sea?'
Santa singh : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta singh : 'Well, my father killed it.'
Joke14: Mirror
Banta Singh and Santa Singh were walking down
the street.
Banta noticed a mirror laying on the ground.
He picks it up, looks into the mirror, and says
to the Santa, "wow,
this person really looks familiar".
Banta takes the mirror, looks into it and says,
"you dumb guy,
that's me."
Joke15: Sardarji
and Kasprov
Santa Singh is Flying from
Moscow to Delhi. To his surprise, sitting right beside
him is Gary Kasporov, the
world Chess Champion. Santa has always been in awe
of Chess players, and immediately
starts up a conversation with Gary about the
Nuances of the Game etc. Gary
says ... "How would You like to Play me for $ 500/
US"?
Santa: "But you're too damn good".
Gary: "I'll play left handed".
Santa cant resist the bet and
accepts. Kasparov, Check Mates our Sardar in 8
Moves .......
Santa is still scratching his head, as he leaves the airplane.
Upon Reaching Amritsar, Santa
tells Banta about the game he had with
Kasparov.
Banta: "Tu bhi pura buddhu
hai Santa". (You're an absolute fool Santa)
Santa: "kyon" (why)?
Banta: "Abe chooteye ........
Gary Kasparov Khabbu hai". (You ass hole, Gary
Kasparov IS a lefty, no wonder
he beat you left handed).
Joke16: Sardar and
Mileage
A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had
run for over a
1,00,000 kilometres.
He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a
good price because
of its excess mileage.
He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help.
The Madrasi gave
him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked
him to visit a
mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the
meter so that
it shows only 30,000 kilometres.
The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days,
the Madrasi didn't
see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar
would have sold
the car.
A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in
the same car.
The Madrasi was surprised and asked - "What
happened? Why
have you not sold your car yet?"
The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only
30,000 kilometres."
Joke17: Santa and Banta Interview
Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa singh
has very good job.
Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa
for some good Job.
Santa singh says , OK next time we will apply
together and they do. On
interview day, Santa singh says , first I will
go inside and answer
all questions except last one, and after coming
out, I would give you all
answers and questions.
So you go and then answer there. You will get the Job.
So, Santa goes in.
EMPLOYER: When we got independence?
SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got
freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal
Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What's India's population?
SANTA: (He was not to reply last one so
he says) Good Question,
Research is going on, and when I know,
I will tell you Sir.
Now he comes out and tell questions and
answers to Banta Singh.
Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers
all answers and forgot
questions.
He goes in Now.
EMPLOYER: When were you born?
BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom
in 1947.
EMPLOYER: What???? Who is your father?
BANTA: It changes daily and these days
its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: Employer is upset now.
Are you mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA: Good Question, Research is going on,
and when I know, I will
tell you Sir.
Joke18: Sardarji writing a shortest story
A Sardarji happened to participate in a competition,
which was about writing the
shortest story. The organizers had put
a condition that a story must have
four ingredients viz. religion,
sex, suspense and mystery.
Sardarji's turn came after many attempts
by
others. Sardarji gave a story, which was
just one sentence and read
"Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a
child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked
the
sardarji whether it contained all the four
ingredients !!
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his
explanation as below:
Oh
god' : religion
'my wife': sex
'going to deliver a child' suspense (whether
a
girl or a boy).
Okay.... but where is the mystery ?" asked
one of
the organizers.
The sardar replied : who is the father
??
The Sardarji was the winner for writing
the
shortest story !
B.General Jokes:
Joke1: Ministers
Percentage
An Indian politician went to the US to visit
his counterpart. When the
senator invited him home for dinner, the
minister was very impressed
by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly
furnishings. He asked
"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's
salary?"
The senator smiled knowingly and took him to
the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return
visit. The Indian
minister lavished all hospitality on him. When
they came to his
house, the American was stunned by the huge palace
the minister had
built, glittering with precious art, hundreds
of servants etc. etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary
in RS?', he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely
and said -
"No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!
Joke 2: Japaneese Visit to India
Outside of a hotel in India, a Japanese tourist
gets in a cab
and tells the driver to drive him to the airport.
On their way, a
car zoomed by and the Japanese goes,
"Aaah Toyota, made in Japan, very faaast!"
And then, another car zooms by and the Japanese
goes,
"Aaah Nissan, made in Japan, very faaast!"
And then, another car zooms by and the Japanese
goes,
"Aaah Mitsubishi, made in Japan, very faaast!"
By this time, the cabby, an Indian sardar, is
getting tired of
his passenger's nationalistic pride. Upon arriving
at the
airport, the sardar cabby tells his passenger,
"1000 rupees please.."
The Japanese goes, "1000 rupees? It's not that
far from the
hotel!!!"
The cabby's reply,
"Aaah, taxi meter, made in Japan.very faaast!!"
Joke3: Animal organization
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The
shop owner points
to three identical looking parrots on a perch
and says:
"The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars".
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" the customer
asks.
The owner says, "Well, it knows how to use a
computer."
The customer asks about the next parrot and is
told,
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can
do
everything the other parrot can do plus it knows
how to use the UNIX operating system."
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks
about
the third parrot and is told,
"That one costs 2,000 dollars."
Needless to say this begs the question "What can IT do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have
never
seen it do a thing but the other two call him
boss!"
Joke 4 : Marriage Stories
#CASE 1
Getting married is very much like going to a
restaurant with friends. You order what you want,
then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that.
#CASE 2
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??"
And the father replied,
"I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."
#CASE 3
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take;
the husband gives and the wife takes.
#CASE 4
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year,
the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year,
they both speak and the neighbors listen.
#CASE 5
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied,
"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice
it."
#CASE 6
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
'Wife wanted'.
The next day, he received hundreds letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
#CASE 7
When a man opens the door of his car for his
wife,
you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or his wife.
#CASE 8
A woman was telling her friend:
"It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?"
the friend asked.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire."
Joke 4 : Teacher and Cindy Stories
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums
on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: George can you count up to 5?
George count up to 5 slowly using his Fingers.
TEACHER: Good, now can you count any higher?
George put up his hand and count to five again
using his fingers.
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I
spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North
America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered
America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't
have
ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then
you are.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go
Slow."
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't
have feet.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by
biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with
"I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of
the alphabet."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money
I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and
eight oranges in the
other,
what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!